NOT DEAD YET!

 
 

 NOT DEAD YET

Not Dead Yet

Taking a quick break from my current Blog 'Packing Up & Pissing Off' 

If that sounds like something you want to take a peek at, feel free, i'll pop the link just HERE for you. On with today's topic though...

#CORONAVIRUS

It's all gone a bit mad, i'm literally frightened to talk to people at the moment.
Whether its a pointless and overly flamboyant face-mask, an overloaded trolley of bog roll or the Pasta Hoarders Society of full stealth mode... the world has, most definitely, lost the plot.
 

Let me paint you a picture...

It's an unusually bright, Saturday afternoon and I was in high spirits to get my food shopping done.
I'm no fool – with an unsteady pair of feet and a tendency to overheat at a moments notice, I usually opt for shopping, late night.
You don't get as much choice but, you also don't get stuck behind Doris and Dora, discussing the consistency of their latest bout of hemorrhoids, by the sprouts.
It was more need than bravery that spurred on my little trip, I mean i'm not bad in the kitchen but, I was going to struggle to make a meal with a jar of pickles, some cocoa pops and half a loaf of stale bread!
The cupboards needed filling, we had reached true crisis point... I WAS OUT OF TEABAGS! I hasten to point out here that there's no blood in my veins, I run on PG Tips! How the hell, could I have let this happen?
 
I prepare for this military operation swiftly... I arm myself with pen and paper and painstakingly try and work out what the 'little turds' will and won't like anymore this week.
Will one of them suddenly have developed a mysterious allergy to fish fingers? Turned Vegan like Gary down the road? How the blimmin' 'eck is a mum supposed to know these days?
I say Mum, it could be Dad, Nan. Aunty, Uncle... I am not deliberately segregating a whole group of people/non people, just in this house it's me and I am MUM!
The Doggus Gee
 
The dog has been surrounded by his toys, water and food. I've promised his 'Furry Lordship' that I'll bring treats home for him.  (as long as he doesn't piss up the furniture.) Re-usable carrier bags by the truck load, shoved awkwardly under my arm and I'm ready to go.
 
The cab driver tries valiantly to stifle his giggles as I slump into the car. (I just got tangled in the gate.. one of the shopping bags had looped itself round the latch. Cue me being flung backwards, skidding up the pathway on my leggings clad arse, re-usable carrier bags raining down on me). Five minutes later we arrive at the Supermarket, the driver makes a quippy joke about 'Bagging' a Bargain... PRICK! No tip for him!
 
I'm in the shop and it's all going well, If I stick to the center of the aisle and make a quick grab, I can do this in no time at all, piece of piss.
 
As I turn the corner into the next aisle, complete pandemonium is unfolding before my eyes. The blue rinse brigade is blocking the milk. Little Tommy, who just wants to help, is emptying shelves as fast as his 2 yr old arms are allowing him and the shop assistant, looks on the verge of a breakdown.
 
I plan my route wisely, if I snake swiftly between the 4 trolleys blocking the crisps, side-wind past the beans and make a grab for the stuffing, i'll be back at the fruit and on to the cleaning products!
It goes according to plan and I am happily unscathed i even manage to keep a smile plastered to my face, that is until I notice the bare shelves. Not a bottle of fucking spray bleach in sight.
 
I clear my throat politely and bat my lashes at the young lad stacking the shelves. “You've probably been asked a lot today but, do you know when you will be getting your bleach in?” He tuts, rolls his eyes and huffs at me, I simply tell him it doesn't matter, I just wanted to clean my kitchen.
 
I take two steps forward and then turn and ask if he has any 'all purpose cleaner' instead. He cocks his head to the side and asks me "why?" I explain that I'll just decant it into the bottles I already have and use that instead. He seems satisfied with this and lets me on my way. Nosy twat, he didn't wanna give me the time of day 30 seconds ago!
 
The rest of my outing passes relatively uneventfully, I've got nearly everything on my list, I just need to pay and get my arse home. If I leave it any longer, i'm almost guaranteed a swimming pool of dog urine on the lounge floor, to spite me for not taking him with me too.
 
I stack my goods on the conveyor belt... I don't think I've gone overboard. Looking across at the other tills, I've been positively reserved. Two bottles of all purpose bleach, a pack of cloths and some sponges, i'm hardly gonna start a sanitation business.
The cashier starts to my scan my goods, the little beep, beep, beep is almost soothing me. Nearly time for a brew and I can relax for the evening. As the lady gets to the toiletries, she starts to say each item. 'Soap, shampoo, shower-gel... bleach, sponges.'
 
I don't know why it was getting to me so much, I think it was merely that she'd chosen the cleaning products to start doing it on.... I couldn't help myself, my mouth was opening, the words had formed “Do you mind? It's not the fucking generation game” I grumbled.
“With all this 'COBRA'virus going about, I'm surprised you haven't bought more”
Fucking cheeky bitch... I regularly clean myself and my home, I didn't need to be told there was a virus around for me to bother! AND I learnt what it was bloody called too! 
 
I guess what i'm trying to say is... if you all spent more fucking time actually using the crap you've been running out to bulk buy, you generally wouldn't have anything to worry about. There will always be categories of people that are at risk, more than likely some of your elderly relatives who you're taking essentials from by, hoarding it all in your 'Apocalypse Armory' at the bottom of ya sodding garden.
 
Get a grip people, keep ya nose in your own business, stay clean like hopefully you normally would.... if you can't, i'll see you in hell. Zombies really aren't my thing and i'd rather snuff it!
 
Peace out!
If you would like to read more of my musings, you can find them Here
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 By Trina Leah ©

4 comments

  • 600 Loo rolls ✔️
    59 tins of soup ✔️
    17 packets of pasta✔️
    23 bottles of hand sanitizer ✔️
    Cobra virus come at me!!!!
    What the actual fuck!!! We’re these people not washing there hands or wiping there arses before this? Get a grip!!!
    It’s the zombie apocalypse!!!!! Run I’ll tell ya…. RUN!!!!! Btw Doris & Dora =Anosul ✔️

    Tinks
  • COBRA? 😂 Never seen such empty shelves before. A great read as usual and given me a good chuckle xx

    Cara
  • People really have gone mad!! I’m almost out of loo roll and bleach – gonna be screwed if coronavirus gives us the shits!!

    Carla
  • 😂😂😂 bloody COBRA’virus 😂😂😂 that will have me chuckling for days. Xx

    Erica Jackson

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