Out in the Cold - Part Two

The whole street seemed to tilt on its axis, a wash of white noise blocked out the conversation unfolding before me. My eyes were trained on the officer’s hands, furiously pumping up and down on my friend’s chest.  I felt a hand on my shoulder, “it’ll be okay love, the ambulance is on its way. do you know him?" The voice was deep, enough bass to command your attention, but gentle enough to trust.  I turned to face the questioner, “I’ve been looking for him for hours, we argued last night, is he going to die?” I knew it was a question he couldn’t answer, but I couldn’t help asking it. I wanted someone to tell me that he would live, it being ‘okay’ wasn’t enough! I didn’t hear his reply, as two paramedics jumped out of the ambulance that had just arrived, and got to work on their newest patient.

They wouldn’t let me ride with him, I wasn’t family or his partner – I was nobody. The police took my details before they left and handed over a card for me to contact them if I needed anything. I thanked them for their help and limped my way back to my flat.  The snow had started to fall now, as if covering over the plight of the night.

His belongings were still outside my door, discarded, unloved and forgotten… just like their owner. I gathered them up and went inside. On autopilot I headed for the kitchen, flicked on the kettle and made a brew. I needed to sort myself out, I needed to go to him, I couldn’t bare the thought of him being alone, least of all as I had told him to go. Had he taken the pills before he came over? Did he take them after he left? Were they just empty bottles? I snatched up his phone and began frantically opening his texts… I didn’t need to look far. Lucy’s messages were there, one after the other, each one more heinous than the next. I scrolled to the top of the thread and began to read.

 

Him - Please talk to me, I need you.

Her – I have nothing to say. I don’t want to be with you, what else is there?

Him – how can you say that? We’re having a baby together

Her – It’s not yours!

Him – why are you doing this? What do you mean it’s not my mine. Please Lucy, just answer your phone.

Her – Fuck off! You’re a waster. I’m with Tom now!

Him – Tom? Who the fuck is Tom?

Her – LOL you’re even more fucking stupid than I thought. Sniff the cushions of that sofa you’re sleeping on, remind you of me? He’s had me all round that house. YOUR BEST MATE TOM! And you’re just lying there like your life is all fucking rosy! Like anyone would want your kid!

Him – You’re lying!

Her next 2 texts had no words, the first, a picture of Lucy and Tom in bed together. And the second, a pile of his clothes, cut to shreds with her holding the scissors.

His next message was a picture of all the pill bottles that I’d found with his things. Captioned with “I’m not as stupid as I look. I found his coke stash and sold it!”

 

I laughed a little at that, that would be the sweetest revenge for him. Maybe he was telling the truth, maybe he hadn’t used tonight, but that didn’t explain the wrap from earlier.

I scrolled through his contacts and found his mum’s number; I’d known her since we were kids, but we hadn’t spoken in years. I pressed call and within 2 rings, she had answered “Jake, it’s been months. Oh, my boy I’ve missed you” My heart caught in my throat, the love in her voice echoed through the line “Lizzie, it’s not Jake, It’s Shannon. Jake’s hurt and he’s in hospital.” I could barely get my words out. “What happened Shannon, talk to me” she half shouted. “I don’t really know. We argued and he left, I went to look for him. When I got back, the Police were with him, and he wasn’t breathing…” I was bawling now, flashes of his lifeless body on the steps, punishing me every word I spoke. “Where are you darling” – she soothed. “I’m… I’m at home. They won’t let me be with him" I sobbed.

“Calm yourself down, I’ll pick you up in 20 minutes. Then you can explain what he was doing with you in the first place” She paused for a second and then dropped her voice to a whisper. “Don’t tell anyone we’ve spoken; I’ll see you soon” she sounded almost afraid. “Okay” I said and ended the call.

I packed jakes things into his bag and pulled on one of his holey jumpers over my head. The smell made me smile, washing detergent and aftershave. I closed my eyes and imagined his arms around me. I’d offered him the world once before and he’d said we were just friends. For years since then, I’d watched him go from one girl to another, declaring love at the drop of a hat to anyone that showed him some attention… then there was Lucy. She came on the scene about 7 years ago, Jake and I had a rare night off together. We’d hit up a club like always and there she was up on a pole, waving her growler at anything with a pulse. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He’d practically fallen over himself to buy her drinks all night, then she offered him a ‘line’. I begged him not to do it, he was just trying to impress her. They went home together that night, the only time anyone saw him after that was when he was on the scrounge for money or when she had kicked him out. He lost his job a few months later and they were living off her daddy’s pretty penny. That’s all I knew until he turned up a few months ago, asking for a job.

 I was wary at first, but anyone could see he was trying, so I gave him 3 shifts a week and it was like old times again. A couple of weeks back, Lucy threw him out again and he’d been staying at Tom’s ever since. Then tonight he turned up here and well, you know the rest.

 Lizzie arrived just after 9am, she gave the air a little sniff as she walked into the flat. “You’re like him now then, no wonder he came here” she snarled. “It’s not like that…” I began. “Save it, it doesn’t matter now anyway” her eyes darted around the room as she spoke, luckily I’d had the foresight to clean up a bit before she’d arrived. “We’d better get going, you can explain in the car” she said. As she turned to leave, her hair fell away from her face a little, the remnants of a bruise, was circling her left eye. I hurried her out of the door not wanting to bring it up, I thought I’d asked too much of her already. I locked the door behind us, all I wanted now, was to get to Jake,

 

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Jakes dad was in the stairwell, his hand around Lizzie’s throat…